my divorce

Married for 6 years, to date separated and divorced for almost 4 years. Here is my story on my divorce that ultimately broke my family and my heart, in all its doings. Everything fell apart. My heart dropped to the floor and all of sudden life felt very heavy. Like I was carrying a boulder. When you have a home to come to, your family, this is very grounding. Well that grounding got pulled from beneath my feet right before my eyes.

I ate bananas for days to fuel myself to keep myself going, the bananas fuelled me to take my then 4 year old and 5 year old to school and their activities. I blamed him, all of it I blamed him. He cheated and how could you. After months of many arguing that was it time to tap out and go inwards, look at myself and everything as a whole. Never mind the cheating I had to become the bigger person and look at myself too.

My sister took one look at me and said you don’t look well we need to do something, no food in my system just bananas. I was driving around for days in a daze confused as to why and how, back tracking every step, every move to find answers to possibly put this puzzle in what we call life back together. My family was everything.

Lauren (my sister) dragged me to yoga, and this is where the peeling back of the layers began. It was a place to be with myself, find myself. Cried during savasana and in particular at every pose. The words uttered by the teacher touched something deep within me. It was not about him anymore, this was not about blaming, this was about ME. Blaming him I knew was not going to help the situation aka this puzzle in life.

Signs presented themselves and synchronicity’s, this is when I enrolled for yoga teacher training. Not necessarily to become a yoga teacher but to peel back layers of myself. Looking inwards and the peeling began. Four intense months of self inquiry and yoga. Being the shyest person out of all 30 plus students in the class, always the last to practice teach, to take the stage. I started to realize my power, my power within, my core ~ an intimate place within all of us, inside, this is the place we find all our power all the love we need for ourself and for others.

There are many angles to this love story but I know longer blame my ex husband – I say it’s both of us that allowed this to fall through our hands. My biggest learning from this ~ make sure your intentions are clear and make it stem from love always, no matter the situation. Feel your fear, feel your anger, sit with it, pause, pause and in that place you move from please let it be love no matter what. xo

 

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Love

 

 

I saw this lovely passage by Najwa Zebian and my write up below is what came to me – connecting the dots in life. Najwa Zebian is an author – she writes to give a voice to the silenced souls out there.

Jan 8, 2018 in the evening I was at the kitchen counter making food for my loves (Mia & Mateo) and my daughter Mia, came up to me while holding and putting a lego piece together and she said to me: you know mommy you care too much, you care for others more then yourself. My mouth dropped, then she continued to say I care for you mommy I want you to think of yourself sometimes. I said to myself wow how does an 8 year old come up with this, I was speechless. As mothers and caregivers we tend to at times have no limit for our giving. The point of this short passage is our kids mirror us they sense and understand wether they get it in that moment or down the road. To truly love is a very selfless act. xo

 

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my loves & smoothies

The loves of my life, my joy and my teachers. We can learn so much from kids if we just sit and watch them, analyze them, their curiosity, living in the now and much more.
Mia and Mateo I love the way you both laugh so hard, giggle and act silly. I love when given the freedom – you create, create and create. The messes you create, paint everywhere at times, lego building and much much more.
Mia and Mateo you are both free spirits and please as you grow older do not let this free spirit die. Being a free spirit gives you the freedom and leeway to find what makes your heart skip a beat – your path in life and access to much more. xo
…….after school smoothie
One great way to pack nutrients into our kids is smoothies – throw everything into a blender and drink up buttercup. Smoothies are a meal in itself.
The smoothie in this picture ~ has homemade almond milk, bananas, maca powder, cocoa powder, jal gua and some ice. You can add little honey or maple syrup for a touch sweeter.
***maca powder: root high in vitamin c, cooper and iron
***cocoa powder: contains essential minerals that support your heart, bones and immune system
***jal gua: combination of sorghum and moringa, high in iron and vitamin c

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Farmers Market

One my favourite things to do is Saturday mornings ~ farmers market. 
Meeting the people/ farmers that grow our food – connecting with them, asking questions and truly getting to know what my kids and I are consuming or anyone that comes in my path that I get the opportunity to nourish.
Eating what is in season and knowing where our food comes from is a priority.
Connecting to the farmers who are connected to nature.
When you look in their eyes and ask them questions wether this fruit or vegetable has been sprayed and the answer they give you.
We should all make it a priority to understand what were consuming.
Rows of greens, rows of colours so pure – vegetables and fruits so yummy. 
From my experience farmers who take great care of their crops, they practice organic growing will not force you to buy their produce the produce speak for themselves and they want produce in the hands of someone who cares  ~ feeding our bodies as a whole ~ mind, body and spirit.

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