my divorce

Married for 6 years, to date separated and divorced for almost 4 years. Here is my story on my divorce that ultimately broke my family and my heart, in all its doings. Everything fell apart. My heart dropped to the floor and all of sudden life felt very heavy. Like I was carrying a boulder. When you have a home to come to, your family, this is very grounding. Well that grounding got pulled from beneath my feet right before my eyes.

I ate bananas for days to fuel myself to keep myself going, the bananas fuelled me to take my then 4 year old and 5 year old to school and their activities. I blamed him, all of it I blamed him. He cheated and how could you. After months of many arguing that was it time to tap out and go inwards, look at myself and everything as a whole. Never mind the cheating I had to become the bigger person and look at myself too.

My sister took one look at me and said you don’t look well we need to do something, no food in my system just bananas. I was driving around for days in a daze confused as to why and how, back tracking every step, every move to find answers to possibly put this puzzle in what we call life back together. My family was everything.

Lauren (my sister) dragged me to yoga, and this is where the peeling back of the layers began. It was a place to be with myself, find myself. Cried during savasana and in particular at every pose. The words uttered by the teacher touched something deep within me. It was not about him anymore, this was not about blaming, this was about ME. Blaming him I knew was not going to help the situation aka this puzzle in life.

Signs presented themselves and synchronicity’s, this is when I enrolled for yoga teacher training. Not necessarily to become a yoga teacher but to peel back layers of myself. Looking inwards and the peeling began. Four intense months of self inquiry and yoga. Being the shyest person out of all 30 plus students in the class, always the last to practice teach, to take the stage. I started to realize my power, my power within, my core ~ an intimate place within all of us, inside, this is the place we find all our power all the love we need for ourself and for others.

There are many angles to this love story but I know longer blame my ex husband – I say it’s both of us that allowed this to fall through our hands. My biggest learning from this ~ make sure your intentions are clear and make it stem from love always, no matter the situation. Feel your fear, feel your anger, sit with it, pause, pause and in that place you move from please let it be love no matter what. xo


By Mareika Muller

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